I am afraid..

It feels like my future is rushing toward me
and I am so afraid
I am afraid of being hurt by people
I am afraid I won’t be able to trust
I am afraid of being on my own
I am afraid to be responsible
I am afraid of the things I cannot control
I am afraid to get old
and watch the people I love around me age too

But I know that the future will be full of wonderful things and people.
But right now,
I am still afraid.

The world is bustling, babbling; bullshit

Society is too hard
and the Earth is too soft
the sky is breaking
while the Earth is quaking
and the only thing that goes noticed
are the Egos that are shaking

So our civilized lives
have created a civilized method
to destroying all that contributes
to anything more complex than modern society

Frankly I’m all fucked up in my mind
never knowing whats right
staring up at the sky wondering why…
Listening to the world crumble around me
While everyone pretends to be happier than the next person
Who’s not even happy

But I know that this system is fake
and the only real thing is the Earth I stand on
and as it all so unnaturally begins to decay
no wonder why everyone looks like their too, fading away

Though your gaze may stray

There was a small bridge that lead across a narrow valley
and I was always terribly afraid of heights.

You told me that I could make it, but I was thick with desperation.
So you went across first to demonstrate.

It was a beautiful view down in the valley, is what I was told.
You said the sun made the waterfalls shimmer like gold.

But I did not care for the view as my stomach was in knots,
and I believed every word you had said even if they were untrue.

So I crossed the patchy bridge and though it swayed I never looked down,
with my hands gripping the sides and my eyes straight ahead.

You looked once again over the cliff down at whatever you saw
Your eyes bright in awe.

But it was when I stepped off of the bridge and you turned your gaze to me
that I felt I had had the best view of all.

The Thaw

I have become accustom to observing conversation
rather than entertaining it.
I watch as mouths give birth
words both beautifully and awkwardly dancing into the universe.
I watch as eyes sparkle, twinkle, and squint
and hands, arms, glide around stirring about the air.
I envy quick wit and thoughtless kindness
my heart warming in its presence.
While jealousy has coldly rooted itself deep within my soul
and as I twist and rye it never loosens its grip.
But it is not I who can destroy it;
only by letting others’ warmth in
will frigid jealousy turn
into admiration.

-rmc

leaving yourself behind

“I’ve got to go” I say
to last year as I sit by the dirty door
peeling my new skin from the old sallow parts of me

“I’ve got to go” I tell her
as she barely picks her head up to watch me walk out the opening onto the street

She doesn’t ask if I’ll be back
because we both know it’s over.

-rmc

My great demise;

If you don’t already know, well now you do
you will never accept love
you will never feel love
or learn the proper way to [love]
if you cannot first love
yourself

forestall the self inflicted sarrow
learn to hold your own heart
and when you look towards tomorrow
I hope you do not wait for someone else’s regard
but paint yourself into the sunset
so when the night lays thickly upon you
and heavily you may lamely be
you may close your eyes and not wish for someone else to have you
for you have become your own life’s master artistry

thus the day will dawn
when you have made your own heart whole
and when you finally exchange yours for another’s
you will not feel as though you’ve lost your soul
but as though a flower would- freshly planted in the young summer dirt
-rmc